somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
