my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
