Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
