Well douche your snatch and let's go!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
