she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
