I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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