I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
