OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
