we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
