I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
