How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
