i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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