I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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