i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
