I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
