Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
