he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
