I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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