it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
