New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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