I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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