PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
