So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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