i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
