a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
