how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
