He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
