make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
