You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So squirting runs in the family.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
