My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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