she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
