Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
