the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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