i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
