I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
