Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
