i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
