dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
