Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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