On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
