I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
