i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
