Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
