I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize