i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
