Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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