Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
