i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
