the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What a dumb baby whore.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
