I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
