i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
