She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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