i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
