My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
