i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
