I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
