um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
