I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
