I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
