I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
