What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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