when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
