I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize