My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
