We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
