If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
