Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
