Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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