Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
is wine microwaveable?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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